Relationships can often be very complicated and messy. It is important to be aware of what things are acceptable and not acceptable within any relationship. This knowledge can help you out and prevent you from doing these things too.
The rules are just for you
Whether it is about not talking to your exes or coming home by a certain time, your partner may expect you to follow all these rules diligently. But when it comes to them, they follow their own rules and will talk to their ex or return home late at night without any explanation.
You are not allowed to talk to your friends
Your support system – your friends and family – is very important. It is essential to maintain these relationships even when you have a romantic partner. They help you take joy in other areas of your life and give you different perspectives.
Controlling partners do not want you to spend time with your friends or talk to your family. They want to be the sole person in your life whom you can turn to. That is not caring, it is a desperate need to control your social life and relationships.
Your phone and social media activities are checked
When they say, “You won’t be afraid if you haven’t done anything wrong” they are denying you the right to privacy. We do not need to have anything incriminating on our phones, in our diaries, or anywhere else for us to be able to refuse anyone the permission to access them. As adults, we can very well make the decision about how and when to share things – and controlling partners take that away from you. As a result, you always end up feeling as if you are under surveillance or that your every move is being watched.
You are not allowed to have fun without them
If you go out to a party or a friend’s house all on your own and come back with hilarious stories of what happened – you are not met with any enthusiasm. With controlling partners, this situation often arises because you enjoying your time without them makes them feel out of control. It makes you independent in a way – and they cannot digest that.
And thus, you will either be expected to keep calling them every now and then, or they will try to guilt-trip you into not going anywhere next time around (“I felt ignored… don’t you like to have fun with me? How can you enjoy anything if I am not there?”)
Your fashion choices are monitored
Maybe you are not allowed to wear makeup or revealing clothes around certain people – especially when your partner is not around. Fashion is how we express ourselves and feel good about our appearance and self. But if even this aspect of your life needs to be catered to their needs, you know things are getting control.
So are your career decisions
Maybe you wanted to move to a new state after graduation. Or your next hard-earned project requires you to shift to another country for a year. In such a situation, dealing with the change is not easy – and so, you need your partner to be understanding and supportive throughout. But a controlling partner would not be able to do that. They will try their best to make you stay or guilt you into rejecting promising offers – not because they will miss you, but because they are unable to put your needs and life above the relationship.
When you take a stand for yourself, they panic
When people in controlling or abusive relationships realize what is going on and begin to take a stand for themselves, their partners often pull out the “I care about you” card. They check your phone, set baseless curfews, and control your movements – all because they “care” about you. If your partner is giving you such explanations, let it be known that love does not equal, or mean in any way, control. Love is trust and respect – and if your partner truly felt so, they would respect your individuality and your space.