For most of us, nothing is quite as difficult and impossible to accept as the death of a loved one. Time does dull the pain, and life does somehow manage to meander on, but in the moment and the days, weeks, months, and often years after the loss, the emptiness and grief don’t quite disappear completely.
The inevitability and inescapability of the death of someone close to us hardly prepare us for the sledgehammer blow it so duly delivers. However, refusing to move on can lead to disastrous consequences. Now, that’s why it’s important to find a way through the loss and to cope with it. Here are some thoughts on the subject, and some steps to help you come through it.
Let it wash over you
It’s not uncommon in times of bereavement to feel a whole clutch of emotions, which in turn, cause a tsunami of sorts that flood your very being. It may not manifest itself in clear and recognizable ways, such as denial, anger and such, but it may well be a melange of any number of these feelings – as each of us will go through an experience that’s absolutely unique. Now it’s time to be brave, and let this overwhelming wave of emotions to wash over you. It’s also important not to blank it out, but to accept it, and be aware of it, as painful as it is.
It’s at times like these that the family, friends, and well-wishers come together to share a combined loss. It’s a good thing too because you need a support system, a shoulder to cry on, someone to speak to and let out what you’re going through. Besides this, it’s crucial that you fight the need for solitude and talk to a confidante about what you’re feeling. Bottling it all up will only allow the despair and the sense of desolation to build till it reaches the breaking point. Later on, if you think you need a therapist, do reach out to one, and no, it’s not a sign of weakness.
While not all of us go through each stage of the grieving process and not necessarily in the same order, the process consists of progressing through the stages of Denial, Anger, Bargaining (offering up something to remove this loss), Depression, and finally Acceptance. Going through this process is crucial, and could help you successfully cope with your immense sense of grief and loss.
Life goes on
You will notice that things get markedly better once you reach the Acceptance stage of the process – it may feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Now, it’s time to respect the loved one’s memory, celebrate their life, and get on with yours as well. Your life may still be tinged with sadness, for that probably won’t ever go away – but the show must go on, and so must you, for your loved one would want you to.
We do sincerely hope that these measures help you come to terms with your huge loss, while also enabling you to emerge from it with a sense of peace and solace.