‘Good’ woman of the previous generation has been substituted by ‘career’ woman of today. But in public imagination (male/ female; narrow-minded prig/ twitter revolutionary) both are equally asexual. Our priorities have changed from marriage/happy family to scholarship/highly paid jobs. But have we started prioritizing our need for sex any more than ever before? Or we are still stuck in the dark tunnel of worry of being judged? ‘Nymphomaniac’ has no masculine; there’s no similar term to castigate men who want it more. Wife indulging in sexual escapade outside marriage is ‘Unfaithful’; in case of a husband, it is ‘Fatal Attraction’ – Hollywood binary.
How often do we judge our men on the yardstick of how good he is in bed? We think how smart he is, how caring and attentive, even how dependable or even artsy. But is he smart enough to discover and remember my erogenous areas; alert enough when I’m dropping hints that I need it; patient enough to wait till I reach there? We hardly question even bother.
What if we want more foreplays, or if we want him to go deeper and not exactly in that rash manner! Do we spell it out to him? I know it feels perfect when he knows exactly what and how. But we don’t date Mr. Bond and anyway he is an imaginary character, and in real life more often a man needs to be led on. And you know what, often a man likes that too.
Let’s not shy away from telling him what we want. In fact, why not talk to him about mutual wants in sex – which position you want to try with him and which one you dislike, what is a big turn on and what bothers you, or what you secretly fantasize. We may start such a conversation with reference to some book, a poem, a movie or music(Madonna’s ‘Erotica’). Not only such openness should strengthen the bond we share with our guys but also we can notice how much he pays heed to our particular demands. Last but not least, if we really don’t want it at a particular time, let’s not hesitate to say no to him too, to ask him to stop.
It is high time we accept – we need it, want it, and love it. Let’s claim the best of it from the man.
– By Tanmoy Biswas